Open Hatch » The Voices http://blog.openhatch.net Virulent, Petulant, Inexpugnable! Sat, 29 Oct 2011 06:31:13 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Virulent, Petulant, Inexpugnable! Richard Alexander Hall clean Richard Alexander Hall saml5ffltb@liquidid.net saml5ffltb@liquidid.net (Richard Alexander Hall) © 2009 Richard Alexander Hall Virulent, Petulant, Inexpugnable! Open Hatch » The Voices http://blog.openhatch.net/wp-content/plugins/powerpress/rss_default.jpg http://blog.openhatch.net/category/the-voices/ TIME TRAVEL MOUTH (internet movie) http://blog.openhatch.net/2006/11/time-travel-mouth-2/ http://blog.openhatch.net/2006/11/time-travel-mouth-2/#comments Fri, 17 Nov 2006 08:47:55 +0000 Alex http://blog.openhatch.net/?p=130

This is the finished product from this script.

]]> http://blog.openhatch.net/2006/11/time-travel-mouth-2/feed/ 24 MESSAGES FROM GRANDFATHER http://blog.openhatch.net/2006/04/messages-from-grandfather/ http://blog.openhatch.net/2006/04/messages-from-grandfather/#comments Thu, 06 Apr 2006 09:21:15 +0000 Alex http://blog.openhatch.net/?p=111 Following is assembled recordings of “Grandfather” calling to leave voice messages.

Download audio file (Voicemail_from_grandfather.mp3)
(.mp3 file, 2:28, ~1MB)

GRANDFATHER sighs and dials the phone. Two rings:

VOICEMAIL PROMPT
(frenetic multi-toned radio-edited)
We’re sorry the person you are trying to reach is not available. Please leave!

(VOICEMAIL BEEP)
GRANDFATHER
Gonna fight the ninjas this morning. Fight the ninjas this morning.

(VOICEMAIL BEEP)
Goin’ out to have a look at some Indians. Lookin’ at the Indians.

(VOICEMAIL BEEP)
Just talkin’ to the clowns as usual around here. Just talkin’ to the clowns as usual.

(VOICEMAIL BEEP)
Thought I’d go out and get myself a hypaflectalactomy!

(VOICEMAIL BEEP)
This light switch here goes off and on, but most of the time, it’s off.

(VOICEMAIL BEEP)
I sure miss.. bourbon..

(VOICEMAIL BEEP)

Just’ gimme (clears throat) ‘scuse me neh.. gimme a little more flugel then we’ll be all set and.. flatulatin’ on the carpet.

(VOICEMAIL BEEP)
It was never like this back when I had my old time with Moses what and his commandments, tablets all tellin’ us what to do (despondent), but now we don’t know.. nooo.

(VOICEMAIL BEEP)
Hi it wasn’t (sighs).. well maybe I.. maybe I did..

(VOICEMAIL BEEP)
It’s still not, it (sighs)

(VOICEMAIL BEEP)
Oh I up and forgot why I laid that flower bed anyway this here all the chickens ‘an they’re all mumblin’ and peckin’ one TO ANOTHER IT’S ALWAYS LIKE THAT IT’S LIKE THE.. PECKING ORDER, AND THEY’RE DOING IT IN MY FLOWERBED.. JUST LIKE THE DAT GAN GOVERNMENT RIGHT IN MY FLOWER BED PECKIN’!!

(VOICEMAIL BEEP)
Emm – um – oh what was it.. VAN HALEN.

(VOICEMAIL BEEP)
I still don’t know what all these ninjas are.. what are all these ninjas fighting about?
]]> http://blog.openhatch.net/2006/04/messages-from-grandfather/feed/ 0 NAD’S INTROSPECTION http://blog.openhatch.net/2006/04/nads-introspection/ http://blog.openhatch.net/2006/04/nads-introspection/#comments Thu, 06 Apr 2006 09:09:55 +0000 Alex http://blog.openhatch.net/?p=110 Tommy’s Kittens (last post) made little “Nad” grow introspective about the real issues of life.

Download audio file (Nads_introspection_rec-04-14-2005.mp3)
(.mp3 file, 23 seconds, 183 KB)

Nad
Wow, Tommy’s kittens sure love each other. I wish anybody loved me, in any sense.. even.. the Biblical one, or.. perhaps.. the Progressive Liberal sense.. in whatever way they’d love me.. perhaps with.. welfare or.. free kittens.
]]> http://blog.openhatch.net/2006/04/nads-introspection/feed/ 0 TOMMY, THE KITTENS, AND NAD http://blog.openhatch.net/2006/04/tommy-the-kittens-and-nad/ http://blog.openhatch.net/2006/04/tommy-the-kittens-and-nad/#comments Thu, 06 Apr 2006 08:56:56 +0000 Alex http://blog.openhatch.net/?p=109 Tommy makes his first attempt at sewing.

Download audio file (Tommy__the_kittens__and_Nad_rec-04-14-2005.mp3)
(.mp3 file, 28 seconds, 196 KB)


TOMMY: I’m sewing!

A kitten endlessly howls in pain.

TOMMY: I’m sewing the kittens together!

Where are the sounds from the other kitten? It’s dead.

TOMMY: They’ll love each other.

NAD: Do you mean love in the Biblical sense?

TOMMY: I mean love in the Biblical sense!

NAD: (awed) Woooow.

The kitten cries in the throes of death and falls silent.

TOMMY: I mean LOVE IN THE BIBLICAL SENSE!

[End transcript]

T-shirt:

 I mean LOVE in the BIBLICAL SENSE!

]]> http://blog.openhatch.net/2006/04/tommy-the-kittens-and-nad/feed/ 0 BIG BEEF (Arby’s Man) http://blog.openhatch.net/2006/04/big-beef-arbys-man/ http://blog.openhatch.net/2006/04/big-beef-arbys-man/#comments Thu, 06 Apr 2006 08:40:16 +0000 Alex http://blog.openhatch.net/?p=108 In the Post-High-School wasteland, I worked at Arby’s to save up money to get into the mission field. One day this customer came through the drive-through.

Download audio file (Arbys_man_rec_12-10-2004.mp3)
(.mp3 file, 13 seconds, 91 KB)

I didn’t get to see him – someone else handed him his Big Montana.

ARBY’S CUSTOMER
‘Gimme ‘onna dem ‘ona doe dat der uhn da.. .. unh DA BIG BEEEEF! .. ah dao ‘otten da.. an dao.. ‘un DA BIG MONTAAANA! HEP!
]]> http://blog.openhatch.net/2006/04/big-beef-arbys-man/feed/ 0