Open Hatch

Here’s a very short script. Anyone who wishes to use this for any purpose is welcome to. I know people who do the things depicted in this script.. well, maybe not the boss, which might make a good strangely stylized angry monologue.

INT. – OFFICE COMPLEX – A CUBICLE

A SOMEWHAT GEEKY MALE WORKER is at his desk programming. He moves his mouth in dry smacking and squinches his nose. He pries the inside of his nose and dislodges a few small dryly gooey boogers. Examining his fingers and looking around his desk for some tissues, and finding none, he surreptitiously moves his fingers toward his mouth.

INT. – OFFICE COMPLEX – HALLWAYS

LOUD ALARM SOUNDS BLARE and RED LIGHTS BLAZE in alarm.

INT. – OFFICE COMPLEX – CONFERENCE ROOM

All the employees of THE COMPANY are seated around a table. THE BOSS stands and shouts at the geeky male worker:

BOSS

(fuming)

You think you can just go doing that!? Like no one will notice!? Like it doesn’t matter what you do in your own cubicle!? Like no one else will use your keyboard!? I’ve personally had to use way too many boogery keyboards from namby-pampy nose-picking word-a-minute coders like you! This icky-yucky vaguely green tint to the keyboard that just TELLS ME what they’ve been doing every morning before they set about idly chattering about the next hot girl before finally getting down to coding after three hours of hearltless bimbo-bamboozling prattle!

GEEKY MALE WORKER

But sir..

BOSS

(cont’d)

THAT IS ENOUGH! Normally I make exceptions because everybody has to waste their first three hours of the day, that’s just human nature, but YOU HAVE LEFT CIVILIZATION! Do you think everyone just yanks those things out of their noses and shoves them into their mouths!? YOU ARE INSANE! AND THAT’S THE FIRST AND LAST BOOGER FOR YOU!

INT. – OFFICE COMPLEX – A CUBICLE

The same cubicle the fired geeky worker occupied is now occupied by SOMEWHAT GEEKY MALE WORKER #2. He stands up.

INT – OFFICE COMPLEX – MALE RESTROOM

SOUND OF TOILET FLUSHING. Geeky worker #2 leaves the toilet stall and heads for the door. On the door is prominently posted:

WORKERS: WASH YOUR HANDS

The geeky worker opens the door and steps through.

INT. – OFFICE COMPLEX – HALLWAYS

LOUD ALARM SOUNDS BLARE and RED LIGHTS BLAZE in alarm.

THE END

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